Alright fear fans, it’s that time of year again. The one month when it’s OK to gobble down candy, carve up produce and dress like a monster. But for me, the best parts of this month are the theme park haunted house events.
On one end of I-4 we have Universal Orlando’s Halloween Horror Nights and on the other end is our local Busch Gardens Howl-O-Scream. But as a college student with limited funds and time, which one do you pick?
Luckily I’m here to guide you through the tangled spider webs and roving zombies. Let’s start with Howl-OScream. This year the theme is zombies; 3 of the 6 haunted houses are zombie-themed and wandering hordes of zombies scour the park for brains. While each house had a certain charm, some were certainly better than others. I’ll be judging with a star system; 1 being the lowest, and 5 being the highest.

  Nevermore-The Edger Allan Poe inspired house was very well done, highlighting the madness of the famous author by making his literary works come to life. The moment you walk in, there is a very ominous vibe that proceeds to ratchet up the tension with a beating heart and a creepy masquerade room. This house gets 5 stars for creativity. I thought it was definitely the most creative house. *****

  Vampire Casino-Well the name on the tin says it all, but unfortunately, not much is in the tin. With some slot machines and spotty lighting, it definitely evokes a Vegas vibe, but other than that, there is nothing incredibly exciting about it. It gets 2 stars, 1 for the genuinely interesting starting concept and the other for the design. **

  Zombie Mortuary-This one was actually pretty good. It had a nice environment and some spooky scares. Not bad at all. Throw in some creepy grieving widows and a man dressed up as a chair running after you, and it looks like we have a 4-star house. ****

  Night Shade-For a demented toy factory, it was only somewhat creepy. Having doll-faced people jump out at you, is kind of scary, but it loses points for not being crazy enough, as well as for having plastic babies pee on you (which is more annoying then scary). I give it 2 stars. **

  Death Row Vengeance-This is tied with Nevermore for the top spot, and 5 stars. Filled with the chaos of zombie inmates, a firing range, and creepy crawl spaces, makes it great fun. It’s a nice revamp on the old prison house, and I’m happy to report that even a horror veteran like me got a good scare out of it. *****
Deconstruction- For the last haunted house, all I can say is that it was so-so. Not the best, but not the worst. For the lair of a mad reconstructive surgeon, they could do better with trimming the fat and refining this concept to make it better next year. So, it only gets 2 stars. **

  The best part of Howl- O-Scream is was the zombie hordes. Instead of the plain boring scare zones, the park is filled with ravenous gangs of zombie clowns and mutants. Turn your head for a moment, and when you look back, there might be a grinning, decaying, face staring back at you. Now on to Halloween Horror Nights, where it also rained, and their gambling themed “Nobody beats the House”, event featuring the gruesome Lady Luck. Unfortunately, I missed the lady, due to all scare-zones being closed because of the weather. While this made the park creepier, I was a bit disappointed. They had 8 houses this year, and most of them were pretty good. Nightingales: Blood Prey- First up, we have our World War I-themed house which is in a word, was amazing. You really feel like you’re in the trenches of the war, and if that’s not terrifying enough, there are fanged banshee creatures lurking about, feasting on fallen soldiers. It’s dark, violent, and most certainly good. For its unique creature design and atmosphere, it gets 5 stars. *****

  H.R. Bloodengutz Presents Holidays of Horror-There is only one phrase to describe this house and that is “Epic Fail”. A mad T.V. host remixes the holidays with blood and gore. It was a nice try. Better luck next year. I give it 1 star. *

  Saws N’ Steam: Into the Machine- Now this is an odd one, more confusing than scary. It had something to do with processing people through a machine. Pieces of human flesh are compressed and men with metal spikes jump out at you. It gets 1 ½-2 stars. **

  The Thing-This I liked. Based on the upcoming prequel to the classic John Carpenter film, The Thing is about an alien monster that terrorizes a group of Norwegian researchers. It was cool seeing this battle waged by The Thing and the researchers because it makes you feel like you’re in the movie. The makeup was good and scared me a few times. I give it 4 stars. ****

  Winter’s Night: The Haunting of Hawthorn Cemetery- This is another good one. The moment you walk in, you feel a sharp winter chill. It’s full of great scares and menacing monsters. Definitely a very creepy cemetery, even the stone angels come to life, giving it 4 stars. ****

  Nevermore: The Madness of Poe-(No this is not a typo, apparently, Mr. Poe is in this year.) It’s very similar to the Howl- O-Scream house, but it has its own style. Several actors portray Poe at different points in his life, my favorite being his drunken stage. This house was great with its raven headed men and dark corridors, and deserves no less than 5 stars. *****

  The Forsaken-The lost cursed ship of Columbus’ voyage is not a bad idea. It has some pretty cool ship sets and monsters. The problem with the concept is that the undead crewmen have green glowing eyes, so it’s hard for them to hide and scare you. I give it 3 stars. ***

  The In Between-Finally, we end with the 3-D maze. I don’t normally like 3-D but they have some clever sets and some nice tricks up their sleeve making it good fun and worthy of 3 stars***